Footprints In The Snow
by Elizabeth Ashton
Summary: One-shot. Slightly AU in terms of plot. Lucius has been incarcerated in Azkaban, leaving a broken Narcissa and a tense Draco behind. It is Christmas 1999, and Narcissa is weeks away from death. She has been hoping for one present all year, but has resigned herself to the fact she will not get it. All she has is her memories, and even they are starting to fade. Rated T.


"Draco, please finish your dinner."

Narcissa's eyes fell upon her son as he toyed with the turkey on his plate. The feelings of heartbreak and devastation were rife, and the tension at times was almost unbearable. It was their second Christmas without Lucius and it was proving to be even more painful than the first. In nearly eighteen months, Narcissa had not seen her husband, and Draco had not been in the much needed company of his father.

"Mother, I am not a child anymore..." Draco placed his fork down on his plate. "I do not need to be encouraged to eat, especially when I do not have the appetite for it."

Narcissa wished to retort against her son's explanation, however, she felt it would have been the ultimate act of hypocrisy. Her own appetite had drastically diminished, and the pounds had been dropping. With every passing month, Narcissa saw a new person in the mirror. The cashmere hair she had once preened over for hours had become dull and lifeless, and her face had become drawn. At times, Narcissa could not bring herself to touch her cheeks in fear of feeling her sharp cheekbones press against her fingertips. In late October, this fear had become a reality, and after being admitted to St Mungo's for three weeks, Narcissa had tried to overcome her apathy and eat more. She was a mother; she had to be strong for Draco, although her attempts were fast failing.

"I know, darling, but I would rather one of us remained a healthy weight."

Draco forced himself to look at his mother, and he felt a pang of guilt in his stomach. His atrocities were the cause of Narcissa's tragic demise, and there was not a day where he could look her in the eye for longer than a second. It frightened Draco greatly to force himself to look upon his mother's frail body for too long. Watching her wrap her fingers around the stem of her wine glass, Draco noted how her sleek fingers had become merely more than bone. Periodically, Draco wondered if she was even alive in the literal sense, for she had become so thin it was inhumane.

"You are shivering, Mother." Draco swallowed hard. "Would you like my jacket?"

"No," Narcissa replied sharply. "I am fine."

Draco sighed, knowing it would be impossible to persuade his mother otherwise. She'd become even more stubborn than usual, and for the first time in his life, Draco had begun to argue with Narcissa, usually over her health and well-being. However, he did not wish to give up on her, for she had never given up on him, even when his actions jeopardised her safety.

"It is twenty-eight degrees in this room." Draco said matter-of-factly. "It is not even the slightest bit cold."

"I know Draco, I can read." Narcissa extended her free hand towards the thermometer on the wall. "But I have little control over what my nervous system decides to do."

"You are not well. I shall summon the Healer tomorrow morning."

"You shall do no such thing!" Narcissa slammed her wine glass down on the table, smashing it into two pieces, and in the process, cutting her palm. "I am not being incarcerated again. I have been humiliated enough."

Draco rose from his seat immediately, rushing to his mother's aid. However, before he even managed to come within two metres of her, Narcissa jumped up, moving away from him and clutching at her open wound.

"I shall sort myself out." Narcissa pulled open one of the chest drawers, pulling out a white material napkin and wrapping it around the cut. "I do not need to be mothered."

"There might be glass in the wound, Mother."

"There is not any, I assure you. I would have felt it."

Narcissa folded the ends of the material around one another before pulling tightly with her spare hand and her teeth. Draco witnessed the look of pure agony upon her face, but he refused to interject. She had, after all, made her intentions clear. Once done, Narcissa returned to her seat as if nothing had happened.

"Please sit, Draco."

Draco did as he was told, for he did not wish to cause any more grievance. As he passed, Draco quickly glanced at her plate to see she had once again consumed the bare minimum to keep her alive.

"A letter arrived for you this morning." Narcissa said mournfully as she pointed at the envelope on the fireplace. "From your father."

"I do not wish to read it."

Narcissa's eyes burned upon her son's hunched figure. Draco had declined every single one of Lucius' letters, for he could not bring himself to read his apologetic prose. One half of Draco blamed his father for everything; for his involvement as a Death Eater, for dishonouring the family and most of all, for destroying Narcissa. Lucius had left behind a wreck, and his words of comfort were not enough to mend her broken soul. The other half, the boy within him, longed for his father's return, as he felt the consequences of his absent father figure. Draco could not possibly identify with Narcissa. They were two very different people forced to spend time together in order to keep each other sane. Their loving relationship had diminished, and minimal words were exchanged between them. Whilst Narcissa locked herself away in the library or her bedroom, Draco spent copious amounts of time in the gardens. Still under house arrest, neither of them could venture outside the Malfoy Manor perimeters, and the gardens offered the fresh air that Draco needed to survive. He never thought he'd miss the crowded streets of Diagon Alley, or the bustling corridors of Hogwarts, but he did. He missed interaction.

"Why?" Narcissa demanded, her voice hoarse. "Eighteen letters, and you do not have the decency to read a single one. I find your behaviour appalling."

"And so your husband's was acceptable?" Draco responded sharply.

"Your _father's_, Draco. It kills me for you to disregard him, as if he was never a part of your life."

"As far as I am concerned, he was never truly part of it. His loyalty always lay with somebody else."

Narcissa placed her face in her hands as she began to shriek in frustration. Her cries sent shivers running down Draco's spine, and at one instance, her hysterical voice reminded him sorely of his now-deceased Aunt Bellatrix.

"Do not say that, Draco! Do not say that!"

"Look what he has done to you, to us! Do you think that if he cared for us, we would be in this mess? He has left you for dead, Mother! Look at yourself!" Draco pushed his chair against the wall in frustration. "Come with me!"

"Where are you taking me?"

Forcing Narcissa out of her chair, Draco led her into the hallway and forced her to stand in front of the mirror.

"Look at yourself. Do it."

"I do not want to." Narcissa backed away into the shadows. "I do not want to see the horror I have become."

Positioning himself behind her, Draco gently edged her into the light. At first, she pushed against him, but she was too weak to continue. Narcissa saw her face come into view, and an ear-piercing scream followed. Bringing her hand to her mouth, Narcissa sobbed hysterically, terrified by her reflection staring back at her.

"You avoid mirrors as if they were the plague." Narcissa's eyes focused in on Draco's face just past her left shoulders. "Look at what Lucius Malfoy has done to you. You were his pride and joy, and he has let you pay for his crimes." Draco took hold of Narcissa's hand, bringing it up into the light. "You are dying, Mother."

"Let me die." Narcissa spoke quietly as the tears strolled down her cheeks. "I would rather be dead than to go on living without your father. My life is empty without him. I do not expect you to understand, for you only see the atrocities he has committed. Marriage is for life; for better and for worse. Your father was the only man I could ever love, and if I am never to be reunited with him, then I would rather die an estranged wife than a divorcee. Every night I dream about him coming home, yet every morning I am disappointed. There has not been a day that has gone by where I have not yearned for his presence."

"Let me summon the Healer, please." Draco's voice softened. He could feel the immense pain Narcissa was experiencing, and he wanted her to be free of her depression. "If I cannot have a father, I do not want to lose my mother."

"I am equally to blame for this, Draco. I am not innocent in all of this. I knew just what your father had gotten involved in, and I stood by him. Every single day I recognise this, and I regret it. If I had the ability to turn back time and change our lives for the better, then I would, even if I had to sell my soul to do it. Your father is not just to blame. We created you, moulded you and twisted you into a life of decay and bitterness. Do not hate him for this. Hate his actions, but not him."

Draco could not fathom a response. After months of little conversation, Narcissa had finally expressed to him her true feelings, and Draco was hurt by it. There was truth in what she claimed, but Draco did not wish to confirm her opinions. Narcissa was just as guilty as her husband, her only saving grace being her retaliation against the Dark Lord. That brave and desperate act was what had saved her and Draco from imprisonment, but Lucius had not been lucky.

"I do not know how to feel." Draco finally said after a few minutes of precious silence. "I feel anger and resentment towards him, and to the Pureblood ideology, but deep down, I think I miss him. I just cannot bring myself to forgive him for what he has done to you."

"It is not your job to forgive him for what he has done to me. Until you are at peace with yourself, you will never be able to forgive." Narcissa started shaking again and she could feel herself losing her balance. "I need to sit down, Draco. Escort me to the gallery."

"Yes Mother."

Draco walked alongside Narcissa, supporting her as she swayed from side to side. Manoeuvring her around the furniture, Draco helped her into the loveseat for some much deserved rest. On most days, she struggled to move, for she did not have the energy or the willpower to do so. Once an avid reader, Narcissa could not even bring herself to focus on the words on the page. All she saw was an ocean of print and meaningless syntax.

Draco moved over to the window, looking out to the entrance of the Manor. There was a slight haze lingering in the atmosphere, and a blanket of snow covered the grounds. Draco revelled in the sight of untouched snow, reminding him of how pure nature was. Draco often became quite philosophical during the winter time, for he wondered why wizard kind could not be as beautiful as nature. There was never any death in nature, just regeneration. There was no bloodshed, broken families or heartbreak. There were no emotions to ruin, or souls to destroy. Nature was peaceful.

Sitting on the windowsill, Draco stared out of the window, watching the haze beginning to lift. Pitiful rays of sunshine poured through the cloud of smoke, and impurities in the snow came to Draco's attention. Inspecting them closer, Draco could make out footprints in the snow.

"Mother." Draco said with concern. "Somebody is in the grounds."

The remaining colour drained from Narcissa's face, making her look scarier than before. It haunted Draco further, but he concealed his fear from her.

Withdrawing his wand from his pocket, Draco prepared himself for a confrontation. Now acting man of the house, Draco would defend his property and his mother with his life.

"Where are you going Draco?"

"To fight them off. Nobody trespasses on our grounds and gets away with it."

"Draco wait-"

Draco stormed out of the room before Narcissa had a chance to respond. Fuelled with adrenalin, Draco unlocked the front doors and stepped out into the snow, looking around for signs of intruder. What worried him the most was the fact they had managed to surpass the security at the gate. The only individuals who could do such a thing were Aurors and Death Eaters.

"Who is there?" Draco shouted, scanning the environment for any signs of movement. "Lumos."

Draco stepped out further onto the path, aiming his wand towards the conifers. As he ventured further out, Draco could hear the sound of snapping twigs and the rustling of plants.

"Come and fight me like a man!" Draco bawled, at this point having gained an audience. Narcissa had forced herself off of the loveseat and through the Manor as quickly as her body would allow to watch over her son. Although nineteen years of age, Narcissa still felt compelled to watch over him.

"Draco come back!" Narcissa cried, her eyes watering as the cold overwhelmed her senses. "The weather is starting to get worse!"

"Go back inside!" Draco shouted back. "You will catch your death if you linger in the cold!"

There was a moment of pure silence as Draco heard the crunching of snow coming from his left. The fog was beginning to thicken, and all that Draco could make out was the outline of a dark figure in the distance.

"Lumos maxima." Draco commanded, making the light at the end of his wand brighter. "Who are you? What do you think you are doing here?"

Narcissa, now panicked by the mysterious being inching towards Draco, hurried down the stairs at into the snow, remaining in the distance. She felt sick to her stomach, and although her mind was screaming at her to return inside, she was not willing to leave Draco in danger. Was it somebody coming to seek their revenge on them? Narcissa was aware of the number of people who wished them incarcerated, or worse.

As the figure edged closer, Draco felt his heart racing within his chest. Any faster, and he was certain his heart would burst. Draco had often feigned confidence at Hogwarts, and now that a fight was prominent, all of his Defence Against The Dark Arts knowledge seeped from his memory. All the defensive spells he had learned and practiced for years had left him.

"Draco!" Narcissa yelled as she lost sight of him and the stranger. "Draco, come inside! Draco!"

"I said come here! How dare you defy me!" Draco shouted at the figure, and losing his patience, Draco lunged forward, ready to attack. Thrusting himself at the intruder, Draco brought him to the ground. Bringing the wand to the intruder's face, Draco felt a murderous rage consume him, however, these feelings were brought to an abrupt end. The familiar grey eyes stared back at Draco, full of fear and sadness.

Narcissa, who had heard the thump, was shivering in the background, waiting for a sign of movement or speech to relieve her anxiety, but for a while, nothing came. A deadly silence commenced.

Climbing off of the man beneath him, Draco backed away from him and froze on the floor, paralysed with shock at the sight in front of him.

"Father?"

"Draco."

Lucius had returned. He, like Narcissa, looked starved, but Draco found a little comfort in the fact he still looked relatively human. His long blonde hair was a mess, his face and hands were terribly scarred, and he looked quite primaeval.

"You are back?"

Lucius nodded, unable to say anything. He had been stunned by Draco's sudden animalistic urge of anger that he had become catatonic with terror.

"Draco!" Narcissa screamed, making both men jump. Lucius shot his head in the direction in the sound of the cry, and Draco witnessed the expression of desperation and longing on his father's face. All this time, Draco had lured himself to believe that Lucius had been the ultimate narcissist, not caring about anybody but himself and his own interests, but in that second, Draco was proven wrong.

"Narcissa!"

Narcissa's eyes widened in shock as she heard her plea returned, but not with the voice she had grown to recognise. This voice was much deeper than that of Draco's, and the call was far more desperate than she could have imagined.

Lucius came staggering out of the fog, and his eyes instantly found Narcissa's as hers found his. Eighteen months it had been, and Lucius had been thrust back into her life at such an unexpected moment.

"Oh Narcissa, what have I done?"

In their many years of marriage, Narcissa had not seen Lucius cry once. However, as he stepped forward, she saw the tears fall so freely down his face, as if all the bottled-up emotions from the past few years had been opened. Lucius had changed vastly in appearance, having become rather haggard during his time in Azkaban, but Narcissa was not deterred.

"Lucius..."

Lucius caught Narcissa in his arms as she stumbled forward, too weak and fragile to follow through any sudden burst of movement.

"I have got you,"

Lucius savoured the feel of Narcissa underneath his fingers. He had missed her more than words could express, but he was devastated to discover the feeling was not as he remembered. Beneath her dress, he could feel her spine poking out against her skin, and as he travelled upwards, he was horrified to feel more bone than flesh beneath his fingertips.

"Narcissa, you are as pale as a ghost and you are-" Lucius could not finish his sentence. Her demise was not something he could come to terms with. "Forgive me for everything, my love. Seeing you like this, it kills me. I would prefer to be tortured to death than to see you like this. Narcissa, I just, I-"

Lucius brought his face to Narcissa's and kissed her tenderly, wrapping her arms around her waist. He could feel her shivering against him and a second later, he could taste her tears. His beloved wife was nothing more than a skeleton, and he felt truly guilty. Lucius knew Narcissa would suffer in his absence, but he never thought she would have been reduced to such torture.

Draco emerged into view, and stopped at the sight of his parents embracing. Draco had never seen them being intimate with one another, but being brought together in such a fashion only made the spectacle more heartbreaking. He realised that they did really love one another so intensely, despite not showing it at all.

"I thought you would never come home." Narcissa sobbed, clutching onto Lucius' robe tightly. "I have resigned myself to the idea of dying alone."

"The Ministry deemed that I had been punished enough. Look, Narcissa, I do not want to talk about the past right now, although I know that at some point we will have to. Right now, I just want to hold you and love you, and nothing else. Every morning, noon and night you were in my thoughts, and I have been counting down the days until I saw you again."

"I could not have asked for a better Christmas present." Narcissa said softly. "Lucius, I apologise for loathing you, and for all the nasty letters I sent you. I was just so...distraught. I love you, and I have beating myself up over everything since you left me. I remember the last time we kissed, and I truly believed I would never experience that moment ever again. I feel so blessed to have you here with me."

"I just wish I could have been a better husband. You deserve so much more, and I could not give you what you deserved."

"We all make mistakes, Lucius, and most importantly, we make them together, as husband and wife. Just promise me that you will never leave me again, for I swear next time, I shall die."

"I promise Narcissa, with all of my heart and soul. I love you far too much to break you again. You are in a great deal of pain, and I never wish to put you through such a taxing ordeal again."

Lucius and Narcissa embraced again and remained in each other's arms for a considerable amount of time. On some occasions, words were just not enough, and Draco believed this to me one of those instances.

"Draco," Lucius, still holding Narcissa, summoned his son, and Draco hesitantly approached him. He was still unsure of how to respond to his estranged father, even after his declaration of undying love.

"Yes, Father."

"I am sorry for what I have done. I do not expect you to forgive me, but I had to apologise. I ruined you and your mother's lives, and there is no way I can possibly repair what has already been destroyed. I just sincerely hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and that is all I ask of you."

Draco stood in front of his parents, mulling the apology over in his mind. Lucius' words were heartfelt, and Draco thought it harsh to reject his expression of regret. Draco accepted, for Narcissa if not for himself. If there was anybody he could not bear to lose, it was her. For the past three years, she had sacrificed everything for him, and the least he could do was to make her happy again.

"I forgive you, Father."

Whispering to Narcissa, Lucius let go of her and instead approached Draco.

"Thank you, my son. You mean a great deal to me, the both of you."

Lucius did not advance towards his son in fear of rejection, but Draco was the first one to make a move. He had to learn to forgive, and a meaningful embrace was the first step to a recovery. Lucius sighed with a breath of relief, considering himself to be incredibly lucky to have his family back. Draco and Narcissa meant everything to him, and he did not know where he would be without their love.

"I think we better retreat inside." Lucius beckoned towards the Manor. "Your mother looks like she is going to faint."

With Draco on one arm, and Lucius on the other, Narcissa was escorted back inside. For the first time in ages, Narcissa felt like she was part of a family. Alas, it was still broken and it would take a long time to heal, but she had the two most important men in her life by her side, and she could not have asked for a better Christmas. If there was such a thing as a God, he had answered her prayers.


End file.
